2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clich?s like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as clichs.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

*************

"A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice."

- Bill Cosby

"I took my parents back to the airport today. They leave tomorrow."

- Margaret Smith

"Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it irritates me! I'll go over to a little baby and

say, "What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!"

- Stephen Wright

"In Hollywood, if you don?t have happiness, you send out for it."

- Rex Reed

"A survey shows that 87% of American people think that the decline of the work ethic threatens the future of the American dream. The other 13% were too lazy to fill out the questionnaire.

- Doug Babbit

"As of June 1, Dunkin' Donuts will no longer allow smoking. The management said smoking is unhealthy. Apparently, smoking

interferes with the body's ability to consume lard.