Antelope: How she married my Uncle.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.

Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.

Bottom: What the shopper did when she found the shoes that she wanted.

Bucktooth: The going rate for the tooth fairy.

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Cantaloupe: When you are unable to run away to get married.

Cartoonist: What you call your auto mechanic.

Castanets: What they did to fill the role of Frankie Avalon's movie girlfriend.

Celtics: What a parasite salesman does.

Concert: A breath mint for inmates.

Consist: A growth on an inmate.

Content: A fabric shelter for inmates.

Control: A short, ugly inmate.

Convent: How inmates get air conditioning.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Crestfallen: Dropped toothpaste.

Cross-eyed Teacher: A teacher that looses control over his or her pupils.

Decrease: De fold in de pants.

Demote: What de king put around de castle.

Despise: De persons who work for the CIA.

Detention: What causes de stress.

Dictator: Another name for Richard Spud.

Dilate: When a person lives longer.

Dioxin: What you say before you kill a herd of buffalo-like cattle.

Dreadlocks: the fear of opening the dead-bolt.

- David Letterman.

"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One."

- Yakov Smirnoff.